Lessons: Thought One –

Through the whole cancer/chemo process I knew there must be a lesson in getting cancer; I believe in this and have felt I’m open to the lesson. My life is not defined by cancer however; it’s just the present episode. The weakness of my character/spirit/human condition, the fear/pain/uncertainty/stress of my current condition, brought out in me a desire to ‘fast-forward’ through my days of treatment and subsequent days of feeling like crap. This idea of ‘skipping’ the worst parts of my treatment seemed reasonable until a week ago (6/5/09) when in a couples counseling session, one of the counselors tossed out the idea that my ‘lesson’ through all of this might well be in those times I’m desiring to ‘fast-forward’ through. Wow…that brought out a lot of emotion…I believe because that idea really hit home because it’s the truth. Even if the ‘lesson’ is not in those times which I have been choosing to ignore, it’s a time I’m failing to explore who I am and what I’m going through. It is in the tough times we learn the most about ourselves…that is if we are willing to identify our feelings and process those feelings, otherwise we are destined to repeat that ‘lesson’ in some way or another. I have been taking the easy path…the less challenging path. This is not the first time I’ve done this, but it’s the first time, in recent memory, that it’s been so hard for me to see that I was taking the easy path.

One thing I consciously tend to do is suppresses my spirit by filling up my time and my life with many activities and time wasters that don’t matter in the larger picture of life. Chores have to be done…lawns have to get mowed, clothes need washing, floors need vacuuming, weeds need pulling, bills need to be paid, we have to work…but a spirit needs to be filled. Relationships need to be cultivated, creativity needs expression, nature needs to be experienced, and joy needs to be breathed in constantly. I need constant reminding in a few simple ways: 1) If tomorrow were my last day, what would I want to do today, 2) In the last days of my life I hope that I feel I’ve taken advantage of my moments to feed my spirit by enjoying life…not having distracted myself constantly by doing stuff (chores, etc.), 3) What’s important in life?...Relationships (people), seeking the most out of life, being grateful, learning, being open-minded, loving unconditionally, and experiencing joy as regularly as possible.